Haruno Sakura Is A Lesbian!
by DeathOrchid
Summary: I just wanted him to suffer! Is that too much to ask? He deserves it...right?


**I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. I have nothing against homosexuals by the way, love is love. This is kind of crackish, emphasis on the kind of and ish. Sasuke is slightly OCC.**

**Disclaimer: I wonder what would happen if I left this out…**

_Italics=Sakura's Thoughts __**Bold Italics=Ino's Thoughts **_**Bold=Sasuke's Thoughts**

* * *

**Sakura's P.O.V.**

"I'm a lesbian."

Or at least that's what I said to Sasuke when he asked me out on a date.

Yes, the Uchiha Sasuke asked me out, sorta…

* * *

_Flashback_

"_Hn. Dinner. You and me."_

"_I'm a lesbian." I said and walked off._

* * *

Why did I say that? Oh yeah, because I want him to suffer. But now that I think about it, I just turned down Uchiha Sasuke by telling him I was gay, which I'm not.

_Stupid, stupid Sakura!_

I hit my head on the hospital's break room door. I'm glad no one else is in here or they'd think I'm crazy. Which I'm NOT!

It's funny when I was younger and a total Sasuke fangirl I would have jumped him right then and there, but after all the pain he has put me through I want him to beg. Is that too mean? Well as long as it doesn't get around that I-

The door I was just banging my head on is thrown open.

_Glad I stepped away from there._

"SAKURA YOU'RE A LESBIAN?"

_Great, just great._

I pull my blonde best friend into the room and shut the door.

"No Ino, I'm not."

"Forehead, it's fine if you are. I support you all the way…as long as you don't have feelings for me. I'm in love with my Shika-kun."

"Pig! I'm not a lesbian."

"But Naruto-"

_How did he hear? That baka is dead._

"said that Sasuke was upset-"

_He was using emotions? He isn't allowed to use emotions it goes against the Uchiha code._

"and when he asked why he heard Sasuke say you liked girls. You don't do you?"

"For the last time Pig, I am straight, me likey the men."

"Then why did-"

"Because I told Sasuke I was a lesbian."

She gives me this weird look.

"Why?"

"He asked me out."

Silence.

"Let me get this straight. You were asked out by your childhood crush, who you still love-"

"No, I do no-"

"Don't cut me off, and yes you do. As I was saying, he asked you out and instead of doing the reasonable and sensible thing, saying yes, you told him you were gay. WHAT IN KAMI'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

_Wow Ino can be scary when she wants._

"I wanted to see him suffer?" I say in a small voice.

"You know what I have to say to that Forehead."

"What?"

"MIND-TRANSFER JUTSU!"

_Wow. I wasn't expecting that._

_**I knew you wouldn't. Hey! Where is that scary alternate personality of yours that was here last time?**_

_Inner? Oh yeah, well I was put on some medicine for that. Turns out it isn't normal to have another voice speaking in your head. Oh and pig?_

_**Yes?**_

_When you release this I'm going to kill you._

_**Haha. Your empty threatens don't scare me, if you kill me who's going to be your shopping partner.**_

_Ok, not kill, just maim._

Ino used my body to hide hers in an empty room.

_So what do you plan on doing?_

_**You'll see in time Sakura mwhahahaha.**_

_Note to self kill Naruto, maim Ino._

We…Ino…I, never mind, my body leaves the hospital. While it's walking to Kami knows where my name is called.

"Hey Sakura!" Ino looks towards the voice.

"Hi Kiba."

"So would you mind sometime if I watch you get it on with other girls?"

_WHAT?_

_**Calm down. I'll take care of this.**_

"Excuse me?"

"It's ok, I know Naruto told me. I find that sort of stuff hot." He winks.

_Let me at him!_

"Listen dog-boy. I'm not a lesbian, I actually have the hots for Sasuke-kun-"

_So help me-_

_**Quiet.**_

"and if you spread this rumor around...I'll tell everyone what you and Akamaru do. Do I make myself clear?"

He pales considerably.

"H-How do you know about that?"

"I have my ways. Now answer my question. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear? Speak boy."

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good boy. Now run along. Go, shoo."

He leaves.

_Kill- Naruto and Kiba. Oh and I'll stay away from your face when I maim you. What are Kiba and Akamaru doing by the way?_

_**You don't want to know, trust me.**_

_*Mental Shiver*_

We walk a little while longer when Ino, I, we spot Naruto at Ichiraku's.

_**Just the person I wanted to see.**_

"Hey Naruto!"

He looks over his shoulder and his face is filled with horror.

_Not as dumb as you look. If only I had control of my body._

"S-S-Sakura-chan. How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks for asking. Quit telling people I'm gay okay Naruto?"

He nods his head then gets on his knees and clasps his hands together.

"Sakura-chan, I'm really sorry please don't kill me. I have so much to live for. I want to be Hokage, don't strip me of my dream."

Ino ignores his begging.

"Where's Sasuke-kun?"

He looks at me like the apocalypse started.

"He's at the training ground. You're not going to hit me?"

"Not now."

_You're lucky Uzumaki. When I get my hands on you you'll be lucky to even have a body left for a funeral._

_**Forehead, quit with the violent murder images. I would like to not throw-up.**_

"Why do you need Teme?" Naruto asks.

I feel my face smile.

"Because I want to have his babies." Ino says then walks away.

_Your face is no longer spared Pig._

_**I love you too.**_

A hand is placed on my shoulder.

"Ino, what are you doing in Sakura's body?"

_I'm saved!_

"Heehee. Hi Shika-kun." My body says turning around.

"I am just trying to clear some stuff up for my best friend. How did you know it was me?"

"She isn't happy about this is she? And your walk gave you away."

_Not happy is putting it loosely._

"No and awww, you know how I walk. That's so sweet."

_Gag me._

"Troublesome. Where's your body? I'll go take it somewhere safe."

"Hospital room 214. I would kiss you right now, but…"

"What a drag. See you later Ino." He leaves.

_Death to Naruto, Kiba, and Shikamaru._

_**Whatever.**_

_And don't think I forgot about you._

_**To the training grounds!**_

It was easy finding Sasuke, the noise of him destroying stuff gave him away.

* * *

**Sasuke's P.O.V.**

I blame myself. If I hadn't rejected her so much when we were younger and then left she won't have turned. It's my fault. I haven't felt guilt like this since the night of the massacre. I'm taking out my anger on anything and everything at the training grounds. I feel so hurt. She rejected me for women.

I Chidori a tree.

"Sasuke-kun?"

I look up and see the girl I'm currently confused about.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, right now, this is Ino. Hehe, I took over Sakura's body. She said something really stupid this morning. She isn't a lesbian. I'll leave you two alone now."

She forms a hand sign.

"Release."

**Not a lesbian. Then why did she…**

"Is that true?" I ask the now fully herself Sakura.

"Yes." She says staring at the ground.

I resist the urge to kill her, because that would be treason and I doubt I could get away with that again.

"Why did you lie? Do you know how that made me feel?"

She looks up with this fire in her eyes.

"How it made YOU feel? Don't go telling me I hurt your feelings Sasuke. That's just a little taste of what you've done to me! Why did I lie you ask? Because I wanted you to know how it felt to be rejected."

She is now in my face.

I grab her around the waist and pull her close. Then I say words that would make every Uchiha roll in their grave.

"I was wrong."

She looks up at me.

"What did you say?"

"I won't repeat myself." I tell her.

It's quiet for a minute.

"Me too."

"Dinner?" I ask.

She gets this evil look in her eye.

"How about we 'take care of ' a baka, a dog, a blonde, and a lazy ass, then dinner?"

* * *

**It's late I'm tired. I have almost no idea what I'm typing. When I see this in the morning I'll probably delete it and think "What the hell was I on?" But if for some strange reason you liked it review, and if you didn't like it, feel free to tell me just how bad it was, maybe that will snap me out of sleep writing.**

**~Orchid-chan**


End file.
